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July 9, 2011

Don't Over-Romanticize the Twinship

My biggest takeaway from Abigail Pogrebin's "One and the Same" book on multiples?

Don't over-romanticize the twinship.

This is something I continue to think about on a regular basis...but as I was looking through the girls' closet recently, I realized I am failing them in one big area. I can't seem to resist those darn "1 of 2" t-shirt sets!

"That One" and "This One"...


"Thing 1" and "Thing 2"...




"Big Sister" and "Little Sister"...


In my defense (?), the first two sets were gifts. And I had been thinking about the big / little combo since the girls were tiny...and I finally found both shirts in the same size this spring.

I swear I won't do this much longer. I figure I've got another year or two, max.

But if the girls want those "Best Friends" lockets one day, each having one piece of a heart, I won't say no.

A mama can dream, right?

17 comments:

Barbara Manatee said...

I loved those BF necklaces when I was younger. I think my BFF and I had about 6 different ones! (and it was true...we're STILL BFF's!)

As mine have grown, the 'twin' thing hardly ever even comes up anymore. For one- being boy/girl changes it a lil.

Also, Jacob is so much bigger than Sarah, I rarely even get asked if they are twins any more! (Jacob is seriously about 10 lbs and 3 inches bigger than his sister. I don't remember the last time someone noticed they were twins.) And since we have a 3rd child right behind then, I think people just think we have 'stair step' kiddos now.

I liked to try to coordinate their clothes when they were younger and still LIKE to TRY now, but Sarah is quite opinionated on what she wears. Thankfully the boys are more easy going so if I can't coordinate the twins or all 3, I at least try to coordinate the boys if its for something special.

Deanna said...

Ha! We had the big sister/little sister bibs, and I have thought about getting shirts too...it would be kind of funny to see strangers' reactions to that one! I have been dressing my girls alike, or very similar, a lot more lately, because we are getting into the "I want to wear that one!" stage. Heaven help us. : )

Best friend lockets, though, I don't think we will be able to pass up!

Julia said...

My mom is an identical twin. She and her sister are still very best friends.

My mom really loves the identity she has in having a twin sister. When the girls were born, I was talking with her about all the differences between our girls, who were very clearly fraternal (I was SO worried I wasn't going to be able to tell them apart!). She looked at me and said that it was okay to celebrate the things about them that were the same. That, while she would probably agree that you shouldn't over-romanticize the twin relationship, it IS a special relationship, and the similarities from having a shared experience of growing up together should be talked about in addition to the differences.

I don't know---I say follow their lead. If my girls want the BFF necklaces, I'd totally get them for them too :)

Jayme said...

I always coordinate my boys. But then, I did it with my oldest three boys and they were born all at different times, not multiples. I did it (and still do sometime!) with my girls who are 2.5 yrs apart.

I just think it looks cute.

I figure at some point they might not want to dress the same, so I have to get it out of my system while they are young enough not to have a say LOL

But my girls still will want the same stuff at 9 and 6... or the same but in different colors.

Johanna said...

I think if your girls already have that type of relationship, you aren't forcing it. Obviously, when they want to start choosing their own wardrobe, you will have to give in, but mine when given the choice choose to be "twins". And they are adorably close, don't really fight, and love each other in a way that makes me kind of jealous. When you start forcing them to play together, hold hands, wear matching clothes, or hug on demand... then you've crossed the line.

Just Another Mom of Twins said...

I think that it's a PERK we get as parents of twins for the first few years...I am guilty of it as well!

SOME of my own Examples:
Mickie and Minnie Mouse 1st Birthday
Raggedy Ann & Andy (already planned) Halloween and 2nd Birthday party
She Did It and He Did It T-shirts
Overalls and matching colored shirts
(The list could go on and on...LOL)


I figure we gotta do it as long as we can because they are gonna let us know when ENOUGH is ENOUGH!

Thanks for reminding us that we need to be "aware" of this issue though...

Happy weekend!

Olusola said...

Guilty as charged Mandy. I have big sis/lil sis tees that the girls can't wear for another 18 months. I think it's fun for the parents for a few years and then I'm pretty sure the twins will have their opinion on whether to continue or not.

Beth said...

Sorry, but those shirts are too cute! How can you resist? I dress mine alike or coordinating almost always (and they do have "Quad Squad" shirts-- again, how could I resist?) My justification for this is that none of mine are identical. It might be different if I had identicals that needed separate exterior identities, but mine are clearly different, so cutesy shirts aren't going to do too much damage. Right?

Oh, the "best friend" necklaces! I am neurotic enough that I have already worried over those. Having three girls, I'm going to have to special order some sort of three-piece necklace. And what will they do about maid of honor at their weddings? Yep, they aren't even three and I have logged hours worrying about these things.

Cuz I'm the mama! said...

I'm guilty over here too. And, sometimes it's just easier to put them in the same outfits. I like them to at least match or coordinate and sometimes my tired brain doesn't have it together ... so I just dress them alike. I think we can still get away with it until they tell us it bugs them. Like you - I pray daily my girls are BFF's. I worked with several sets of twins (in a high school) and some of them were more like enemies. It was very sad. One set even got into a phyisical fight in school! BFF's ... way more fun!!

Andrea said...

I don't know what I would have done it I would have had the same sex twins. I think I would have probably done like you with buying the same shirts etc..., but different colors. I also would have occasionally bought the exact same outfit for pictures, holidays, special occasions etc..

The necklaces are a must buy someday though...I have no doubt they will be the best of friends!! I hope mine are too!!

Holly Ann said...

I'm fairly certain those t-shirts won't scar them for life. ;)

I'm always thrilled when I actually find matching unisex outfits now so that Ace & Ky can actually be recognized as twins on rare occasions!

James said...

I don't think we've ever coordinated Truman and Amelia's outfits. Except for Halloween when one was Tigger and one was Pooh. Most of the time, I forget that they're twins. I just think of them as siblings. That must be fairly normal for boy/girl twins, though.

It has finally started to hit me though as we've enrolled them in some classes and are starting to think about school. Imagining them in the same grade is finally making it sink in.

Marcia (123 blog) said...

There is no way I'd be able to resist those either :)

They are just so cute!

I'm liking Johanna more and more from her comments (don't think I'm weird) so ditto everything she said :)

Tracy said...

Goodness, I love all that stuff too. I am dressing the girls alike as long as I can.... I won't be able to do it forever.

MultipleMum said...

*Shaking my head* 2 MAX! The only 'twin-sets' I have are "Yes we are twins" T-shirts that I bought to support our MBA. They never wear them on the same day! x

Double the Giggles said...

I say dress them however you want. Individuality is not formed based on what you and your sibling wear. When they are ready to pick out their own clothes, then they can decide to match or not. Six days out of the week, my boys dress identical. It's just easier that way. (Oh yeah, I just bought big brother/little brother shirts last week, too ;)

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

I'm surprised you didn't do the Copy/Paste thing!

Did I ever mention that I'm never going to tell the Crazies who was born first? I hear it leads to birth order issues and we don't need any other issues in my house!