The girls remarked a couple of days ago about a snapshot we have in our kitchen, of Hubby and me in Central Park. “Where was I?” they asked.
“That was before you were born.”
“But where was I?” they prodded, clearly not understanding that concept. “Was I in your tummy?”
I tried explaining, but I finally told them, “You were in my heart.”
Truer words could not be spoken.
On the girls’ first birthday, I was overcome with emotion. Joy, yes…and relief…and…sadness. I’m not sure I could have pinpointed it at the time, but I was sad. I was sad that the first year had passed so quickly, sad that I hadn’t enjoyed it as much as I would have liked.
The girls’ second birthday was mostly a happy day for me, but I still shed some tears. It was during that year that my babies turned into children…and that was a lot to process.
As I write this, on the eve of the girls’ third birthday, my heart feels pure and happy. I can’t promise I won’t cry at all tomorrow, but my tears will certainly be ones of joy and thankfulness.
I just feel “settled”. Complete. I’m secure as a mom, and we are as a family. This past year has been full of so many wonderful adventures, and – while time does seem to pass so quickly as it is – I can’t help but look forward to the adventures to come.
So yes, my girls were in my heart long before they were in my tummy, but I somehow feel like this role has been “me” for a long, long time. And it feels good. And I am full of joy.
Happy birthday, Baby A! Happy birthday, Baby B!
I’m looking forward to celebrating you tomorrow…and for the many, many years to come.
I am so thankful to be your mommy.