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August 1, 2011

Wardrobe Malfunction and Indecent Exposure

Being a mom comes with a large dose of embarrassment.

To date my children’s commentary […like yelling “Boobies!” at the blueberries in the grocery when they first began talking…or loudly saying, “That baby needs to go home!” in the direction of an overtired babe at a restaurant…] has been the source of most of my embarrassment.

Over the past few weeks, though, I’ve had several new experiences that had me a little red in the face.

This spring, I did some shopping for myself. I bought several new sundresses and a few new tops. I tried everything on in the store, and then again when I got home. I was really excited about all my purchases.

Upon wearing several of my new duds, though, my husband has given me quite a few disapproving glances, and even a couple of “Cover yourself up!” hisses, as well.

See, as cute as I felt trying my new outfits on, what I didn’t bank on was the effect of two small children on the necklines of my new spring attire. Apparently it doesn’t take much pulling or carrying for things to shift out of place…and suddenly I wasn’t so “cute” as I was disheveled, seemingly a classic victim of wardrobe malfunction.

Maybe I need to consider shopping with the girls after all, so I can walk a lap around the store with them to gauge the effect of my children on my outfit. That, or just stick with turtle-necks and pants for the next few years.

The other new source of embarrassment is potty-related.

While we were travelling on our mini-vacation, we stopped to eat lunch. Baby A and I went to the bathroom, and the handicap stall was nice and clean, just waiting for us. We pranced right in and she did her business. I decided I would follow suit, and I engaged in my business.

By definition, handicap stalls should have an easy-to-use latch. Baby A discovered this while I was "otherwise engaged". She pranced right out of that stall, leaving me – ungloriously engaged – with the door wide open.

Thank goodness it was 11:00 on a Tuesday, and we were among the first patrons in the restaurant. I was just lucky that no one else entered the bathroom right then…they would have seen an unattended two-year old and a half-naked, red-faced mama…which surely wouldn’t have been good for anyone’s appetite.

I’m sure there are a million more embarrassing situations to come on this journey called parenthood. I just hope the situations involving this mama’s wardrobe malfunctions and indecent exposure are few and far between.


Wiley said...

There is something about pulling down shirts that is just fun. Our older son is a couple of weeks from four and he's been past this for a while, but the fun of breastfeeding and pumping over the last few months has led him to spend time paying attention to the chest area again (or maybe it's just that the breastfeeding means that I have a chest where I didn't before. Hmm, I'll have to ponder that).

One of the "best" features of early public bathroom usage I found was the narratives that were provided.

OurLifeUnrehearsed said...

Oh dear, this is soo funny. My little one always tries to open the door of the stall on me because "she is finished and wants to go." She likes to get herself dressed now, so now I make her potty and leave her bottom down so that while she gets herself together I can finish my biz without worrying about her unlocking the latch. So far soo good, but we almost had a close one the other day. lol. Kiddos!

Olusola said...

Honestly Mandy, I need to stop reading your blog in places where I can get in trouble for loud shouts of laughter. That is so hilarious. "Ungloriously engaged!"

Quadmama said...

I've learned that crew neck t-shirts are probably the only way to go with little ones. I even have v-neck shirts (not plunging necklines mind you) that I'm hesitant to wear because one little tug and suddenly I'm a wardrobe malfunction in the making!

Julia said...

Yes, I've had many embarrassing moments with my v-neck t-shirts! A little to the left or right, and there's my bra hanging out. I, too, didn't bank on that when I purchased them. I'm a pretty modest person in my dress, so it's been rather interesting to watch those garments suddenly become a little risque. :)

James said...

"ungloriously engaged"


Andrea said...

Love this...I hate when I look down and realize M or L just helped me flash God knows who?!?!

Hey question...has anyone told you that your posts aren't linking in google reader? They are showing up, but not linking back to your blog, strange?

championm2000 said...

hahaha...I can't tell you how many times Drew or Em has caused me to flash too much skin. They both like to stick their hands down my shirt. I like your suggestion of taking them shopping with you. In addition to price, fit, style, now we have to worry if it's toddler-proof!

Beth said...


Now that we've been working on the potty, I will sometimes share a stall with one child while out in public. When I go to the restroom after them, they like to give loud commentary. "Are you going pee-pee or poopy?" "Mommy pee-peeing a LOT!" "Mommy you are taking too long!" I'm sure everyone else enjoys this.

Also, when I am holding Drew on my hip, he thinks my breast is a hand rest. He'll sit and just rest his hand on whichever breast he's near. I swipe his hand away and it finds its way back. Already a boob-man at two!

Johanna said...

Thanks for the laugh!!! :)

I went shopping for myself for the first time with the twins when they were two. As I was trying things on, the girls did a fun commentary... "Mommy! You naked! What are those? Why do you have those on you?" Trying to explain why mommies have boobs while other dressing room patrons are openly snickering is flustering. I haven't tried dressing room shopping since.

Barbara Manatee said...

Oh my boys, especially Adam, are always sticking their hands down my shirt! sheesh boys!

Once in a public restroom with Sarah, I was *ahem* going #2 when Sarah asked me "Mom? Are you peeing or pooping?" When I told her the answer she replied "awww, mom! Nobody wants to smell your poop!" Talk about mortified!! Thank GOD no one else was in the restroom with us!!!

Jen said...

I hate trying to go to the bathroom with my daughter (almost 3 1/2) in public. She escaped the stall once, too....and luckily I was about finished and there was nobody else in the restroom. She is starting to listen a little better and I now tell her she can open the door when we're done, but not until I say she can....and I've also found that me going first and making her wait helps also. LOL.

Marcia (123 blog) said...

Love it! And this, dear friend, is why I wear round-necked t-shirts near the neckline :)

also, seriously is he really thinking you're too scantily clad?

Anonymous said...

hmmmm....turtlenecks year round?

i suppose there are worse things, right??

my daughter is having a great time screaming about penises and vaginas. hahahah.

reanbean said...

That bathroom scene has almost happened to me several times, but I was fortunate to avoid exposure every time. So glad to hear that the bathroom was empty.