I posted several weeks ago about reading the Five Love
Languages for Children.
While I don’t feel like our girls have ever gone through a “tantrum”
/ attention-getting phase, I’ve had a palpable sense for a while now that there’s
something to the idea of a “love tank”…that we need to feel emotionally “full”
so that we can better withstand the inevitable bumps during the course of the
day or week or month.
At the outset of the book, the author outlines that it’s not
always possible to identify a child’s primary love language until she is a bit
older…maybe six or eight. Ultimately, as
children are growing, they need to be addressed in all the love languages to
solidify a healthy emotional base. Also,
a young child may rotate among the languages that most fulfill her. It’s likely that only later a primary love
language can be determined.
I have heard Marcia talk about her children’s love
languages, having been able to identify them already. I wish I could say the same…but I just can’t. I remind myself of the author’s caution (so
as not to feel bad that I can’t figure this out!), and frankly, I think the
love languages run together so fluidly.
Thinking about myself, I have at times been really humbled
at receiving gifts, for example…but I don’t think that’s speaking to my “gifts”
language. It actually feels more like an
“act of service”, that someone knows me so well to seek to buy such a
thoughtful gift. Or, I could almost see
it as “words of affirmation”, given the sentiment that accompanied the
gift. And then there’s the “time” that
was invested in putting the gift together.
Hmmm…
As I try to observe my girls with this in mind, the best I’ve
been able to do is to think about what they want when they’re upset, and how do
they most often show their affection for me.
Baby A has been very affectionate lately. When she gets upset over something, she comes
running for a hug. Sometimes she’ll even
ask, “I want a hug! And a kiss!” She can be so incredible tender, as she loves
to snuggle and be near me. I am guessing
that she’s most motivated by physical touch.
Baby B interrupts what she’s doing quite often to volunteer,
“I love you, Mommy.” She does it at random, and also when she’s upset. I am guessing that she’s most motivated by
words of affirmation.
There’s no doubt in my mind that our girls feel loved. We maintain a positive energy and we’re
actively engaged with each other and as a family. We are affectionate and giving towards each
other, and it would be absolutely impossible for me to go through a day without
showering my babies with hugs and kisses and coos.
Still, since I’ve been thinking specifically about the love
languages approach, I’ve been a little more intentional to try to “top off” the
girls’ love tanks, in particular before I divert my attention to something
else. Before I extract myself to make
supper, for example, I make sure to give the girls some extra hugs and get in a
couple of additional “I love you’s”.
I can’t say whether it’s made a precise difference with the
girls, but if nothing else, there’s no harm in hugs and kisses and words of
affirmation.
I still think the “Love Languages” is an interesting and
valid concept, one that I’ll continue to ponder. So...once again...to be continued!
2 comments:
I can't say I've read the book, but this is my exact problem! I over think it, and there for loose the point. Thankfully most of our episodes can be drawn back to napping issues! Keep us updated!
I can't say I've read the book, but this is my exact problem! I over think it, and there for loose the point. Thankfully most of our episodes can be drawn back to napping issues! Keep us updated!
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