Yesterday our MoMs group hosted a panel discussion. On the panel were 30-year old identical twin girls; and a mother and her 23-year old daughter whose twin brother wasn’t able to join us.
We covered a lot of your “standard” territory, like dressing alike, sharing rooms, and classroom dynamics. We hosted a similar discussion a couple of years ago, and it’s been so interesting to hear fellow MoMs ask questions, and to hear perspectives from the “grown-up” side of things.
I came away from the discussion yesterday with so much more than that, though. It was so incredibly heartwarming to hear the three adults talking about how special their twinship is, how much they cherish their unique blessings.
I read Abigail Pogrebin’s “One and the Same” a year or so ago. It was such a great exploration of the science and psychology of twins. One of my primary takeaways was, “Don’t over-romanticize the twinship.” Pogrebin presents several instances that, I think, ultimately caution families of multiples not to put undue pressure on them to have supernatural powers, to be joined at the hip, to be the bestest of best friends.
And one of the first things I remember our pediatrician saying is, “They’re just sisters, who happen to have been born on the same day.”
And there is so much written about encouraging individuality among multiples.
I had a realization yesterday that I may have been so concentrated on our girls’ individuality that I rarely stop to acknowledge that they are – in fact – twins. And that is pretty special.
I jotted down one phrase that really resonated with me, specifically with respect to competition. I know our girls will have their unique strengths, and this is something I think about quite a bit.
“…we were encouraged to be each other’s biggest fan…”
I know three grown-up twins does not a statistically significant pool make, but it was really encouraging to see them all talking about the [mostly] great things about being a twin…and not lamenting that they didn’t feel like individuals, or that they competed so vehemently against each other.
I know it’s a balance…certainly our girls need to develop as individuals and to be comfortable in their independence...but yesterday’s discussion reminded me also to encourage them to appreciate the wonderful blessings they are to each other.
…and I can only hope and pray that my girls will speak of their relationship so fondly in 25 years’ time.