No Label Makers Allowed!

I enjoy reading blogs that have descriptions in the sidebar of each of the cast of characters…Little Johnny is X, Y, and Z; and Princess Elizabeth is A, B, and C. It’s fun to get a feel for each child’s characteristics as I’m reading about their adventures.

I have been considering a couple of recent pictures of Baby A and Baby B that I think could be used to make a really cute post about their personalities…

…but something about that just doesn’t sit right in my head…it actually fills me with a lot of anxiety…

I hate when people ask, “Which one is more outgoing?” Or, after seeing the girls for all of 90 seconds in the supermarket line, say, “Oh, she’s the leader of the crew, huh?” Or, “I can tell she’s the shy one.”

For one, it totally depends on the day and the situation as to how each of the girls behaves…and kinda like the weather in the south, if you don’t like it, just wait five minutes and it’ll change.

But beyond that, I feel this intense need to try to keep from labeling the girls. I can only imagine hearing that you’re the leader time and again could affect the way you think, and of course the way your sister thinks, too. Or hearing too often that your sister is more verbally gifted, or the more “physical” of the two, well I’m sure that could impact your drive.

I keep a pretty detailed journal of the girls’ comings and goings. I write down fun little adventures we had, cute things the girls did, and milestones hit.

It’s easy to record that Baby A just cut her bottom left canine tooth…there’s no interpretation in that, and no means for competition. Baby B liked the boiled okra I served for lunch, but A didn’t…no issue there, either.

These past couple of weeks, Baby B has been saying new words every single day. I know I’m not remotely keeping up with all of them, but I try to jot them down as I can. (Yesterday she said “owl” and “bees” while looking at a picture book. Oh, how my little heart melts to hear her babyspeak!)

As I recorded this in my journal, I automatically thought back to what Baby A did yesterday. I wrote down how when Daddy got home, we cleared the floor of the den and tried to get the girls to race us, crawling, across the room. Baby B didn’t get far…she rolled over in a fit of giggles as soon as she saw Mommy crawling around. Baby A was into it, though…she was a legitimate race contender, saving her giggles until she made it to the finish line. She was so cute and determined.

I would love to tell you that Baby B has the most infectious laugh…it’s just so bubbly that you can’t help but smile. But I don’t want to imply that Baby A’s laugh is not infectious, too…it’s just as precious, but different…

I KNOW I’m over-thinking all this…I KNOW it’s only natural to make comparisons, at least on some level. And I KNOW it’s unhealthy to set the girls up to think that everything is equal, and always will be…that’s not life.

I guess I’m just trying to avoid labeling the girls so as not to inadvertently steer them in a particular direction; to allow them to grow into their own, unique selves, surrounded by a loving support system, but one that’s not pushy or judgmental.

So I’m going to go ahead and post a couple of pictures of my girlies...

Baby A:

Baby B:

...and I'll confidently write a single caption:

These are the sweetest, most precious babies this mommy could ever ask for.

'Nuff said.

The Old Switcheroo

I would imagine this holds with all kids, but in particular with twins, the parenting books stress that you shouldn’t compare, and further, you shouldn’t label your children. Saying things like, “Baby A is the dominant one,” or “Baby B is more social” could have obvious psychological effects on both babies.

I can’t help but feel that the girls don’t trust me with their psychological wellbeing. Why else would they see fit to “switch” personalities – willy-nilly – so that there’s no way I could possibly label them, at least not for long?

In the womb, Baby A was very laid-back…to the point that I would sometimes lie down on my right side for a few minutes just to feel her move a little bit. In contrast, Baby B was the one doing complex gymnastic maneuvers at all hours. Baby A was born first, but I think it was only because B had carved out such a large space for herself, thus squishing A to the far bottom corner.

For the first few months, A continued to be very laid-back, while B refused to go unnoticed. I thought it was amazing how their behavior in utero had been so indicative of what I thought were their personalities.

But then Baby A decided to get in on the action. She became the one taking toys from her sister, while Baby B seemed to relish her turn to chill out for a while.

Baby A reached most of the early physical developmental milestones first…rolling over, sitting up, standing, and walking. But then B decided she would climb up on the couch, lest A think she was more agile. (Maybe a throw-back to the womb-time gymnastic exercises?)

And then, just for the fun of it, both girls said their first word – the same first word, “baby” – on the same day.

In social situations, the girls are a revolving door. One week, Baby A will be full of smiles for new people; the next, Baby B is the life of the party while her sister shrieks in horror if someone accidentally looks her way. Understandably, it makes our friends and neighbors apprehensive about approaching the girls’ stroller before checking in to see who’s “accepting visitors” on that particular day.

And so, in answer to TwinHappy’s question about birth order affecting personality, I just have to say I don’t know…and I am inclined to think that’s part of the girls’ master plan.

And as to which one of them cooked up the plan, well, I don’t know that, either. And I think that’s just the way they like it.