Radiant

I try to resist the urge to tell my girls how beautiful they are almost every second of the day.  Heaven knows they hear it enough from random, well-meaning people.

It’s hard, though.

Of course I think they are the most magnificent creatures…but I try to focus instead on something other than physical features. 

I praise them for their kindness, for being gentle, affectionate.  I thank them for using nice manners.  I congratulate them on clever ideas and valiant efforts.   

And when the urge to tell them they’re beautiful strikes, I usually stroke their hair, or give them a kiss or a squeeze or a tickle, and tell them for the 100^th time that day how much Mommy loves them.

Of course I tell my girls they’re beautiful – they need to hear that message from Mommy, too.  But recently I’ve found myself using the word “radiant” much more often.

“What’s radiant, Mommy?”

I told the girls it’s another way to say “beautiful”, but it also describes something that emits light and energy, joy.

And that sums up my amazing girlies for me.   

Whether they’re squeaky clean from a bath, or dressed in their best for a Saturday lunch…or hot and sweaty from running through the backyard, bits of mulch stuck to their knees…

…they are radiant...exuding joy, emitting light, full of the most beautiful energy.

Beauty Through the Eyes of a Child

On the way home from the grocery store yesterday morning, as we were at a traffic light, Baby A said from the backseat, “Ooooh, Mommy! I see a beee-you-tiful steering wheel!” You do? “Yes!!! It’s pink and fluffy!!!”

Later in the morning, we went for a short walk. We passed a house a few blocks over that has a short fence around their backyard. You can see bits and pieces here and there, and it’s not what I would call “manicured”. There are quite a few trees and some tall grasses, and a number of garden statues (I guess you’d call them) in decoration.

“Ooooh, Mommy! That looks like a beee-you-tiful forest!” Baby A remarked.

I didn’t see the steering wheel Baby A was talking about, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have gasped at its beauty. And when we walk past this particular house in our neighborhood, I actually wince a bit, thinking there are surely critters in those grasses…things I don’t want to think about in our suburban neighborhood.

Still, I work hard to remind myself not to share my jaded judgment with the girls. I understand how pink and fluffy equates with something beautiful to a three-year old’s mind...how a shady, overgrown backyard looks luscious and inviting, the stuff of fairy tales.

It dawned on me that this is not unlike my protective stance of the rat species a couple of months ago. I want the girls to form their own opinions about the world, particularly when it comes to benign things like steering wheels and landscaping.

And it’s a pretty sweet reminder for me that it’s OK to like some books, just judging by the beauty of their covers.

…as long as the girls don’t insist on gifting me a pink fluffy steering wheel cover for Mother’s Day, that is.

Beauty is Big and Broad

For myself, I honestly don’t think much about “beauty” on a daily basis.

As part of my de-hobo-ization initiative, I make an effort to get dressed in “real” clothes every day…at least a pair of Capri pants or shorts and a decent t-shirt…something I can wear comfortably around the house, and still make a quick run to the grocery store.

I have a pretty simple wash-and-dry hairstyle. If I’m feeling really fancy, I’ll throw on a little makeup.

But after I get dressed in the mornings, I don’t pay much attention to myself as I walk by the mirror. I might give myself a quick glance if I’m heading out somewhere...or I might not.

Kinda like my age, I figure my appearance is what it is. I do the best I can…I’m reasonably well-groomed, and I’m healthy…and I have plenty of other things to occupy my mind.

Still, “beauty” is on my mind with respect to my girls.

We live in a world with a lot of mirrors. I don’t think my “it is what it is”, “outta sight and outta mind” approach will fully equip the girls to see through the inevitable smoke that they’ll encounter.

Of course I think my girls are the most stunning creatures on the planet, and I can’t help but tell them so. I think it’s important that they hear it, but I don’t want to over-emphasize it, either.

For one, I know I tell my girls, “You’re Mommy’s most beautiful baby girl!” at some pretty random times…times that – at least by grown-up culture standards – most folks don’t tend to look very “beautiful”…

…like when they wake up and have crazy bed-head and sleepy eyes…like during supper when they have the remains of baked ziti on their faces, and watermelon juice dripping down their chins…like when they’re hot and sweaty (their cheeks aglow in rosy red)…

And I really try to use the word “beautiful” to describe a lot of different things…

...as in, “What a beautiful plate of vegetables!”…”What a beautiful story!”…”What a beautiful song!”

As we try to instill our values in our children, and equip them to face this big, bad, beautiful world of ours, I think the tendency sometimes is not to talk about beauty…to reinforce that it doesn’t matter.

After a lot of thought over the past couple of years, I don’t think that’s the complete answer.

The answer – for me – is to try to show the girls that “beauty” is everywhere. It’s big and broad in its definition. It’s a feeling, an appreciation. And it’s inside me, and inside them.

What Makes You Feel Beautiful?

Over the past several months, I’ve been thinking a lot about “beauty”.

I’ve been reading Julia’s weekly posts on the subject, and I also recently read a book about the “princess” culture in today’s world.

I am raising two little girls. I think that “beauty” is definitely a topic that warrants some contemplation.

Multiples & More asked the question a couple of months ago, “What makes you feel beautiful?”

I thought it was a fun prompt, and I started thinking about that for myself. Let’s see…

…I feel beautiful when I have on my smokin’ hot jeans…

…I feel beautiful when I have on a trendy new top or dress, or a power suit…

…I feel beautiful when I wear high heels…

…I feel beautiful when I take the time to dry my hair “just right”…

Whoa.

If those are the things that make me feel “beautiful”, then I must spend a lot of time in the dumps, huh?

Since the girls were born two and a half years ago, I haven’t had regular occasion to don my coolest jeans, or wear a power suit. My high heels are mostly gathering dust in my closet. And I surely don’t have the time to spend on my hair every day.

That realization made me step back a bit and take stock. I don’t walk around feeling “dumpy” all the time…so surely I was missing something, right?

Upon further consideration, I thought about taking away the hand-held mirror and asking that question again…

…I feel beautiful when I’m out for a walk with the girls…even when I’m smeared with sunscreen and all sweaty from the jogging stroller…

…I feel beautiful when I read to the girls, when I encourage them to construct the most elaborate block towers, when I help them organize a huge picnic for their dollies…

…I feel beautiful when I sit down for a meal with my family, and see us all enjoying the same dishes, knowing that I’ve used fresh ingredients that are good for us and taste good…

…I feel beautiful when I drink water…

…I feel beautiful when I steal away for an hour by myself in the coffee shop, book in hand…

…I feel beautiful when I relax on the patio with the hubs and talk about the day…

This exercise made me think about the much larger definition of beauty.

I feel beautiful when I’m confident…when I’m taking care of myself and my family to the best of my ability…when I feel like I’m where I’m “supposed” to be.

And of course, on the rare occasions when I can actually dry my hair, and maybe even wear some high-heeled sandals when I take the girls to the market…well, that’s icing on the cake.

***

I plan to write more on “beauty” later in the week, with respect to my thoughts on raising girls. But for today, I’m linking this post up with Holly at Twins Plus One, Three Times the Fun, and her new meme, “What I Love About Me!”

Hope you have a “beautiful” day!

My Sunglasses Trick

I never used to wear sunglasses on my head.

For one, I used to wear expensive designer sunglasses, and I didn’t want to stretch the frames.

And two, I thought it was a bit silly. Unless you are literally just coming off the beach, put your sunglasses away in your purse, Lady…you really don’t need to sport them all through dinner…when it’s raining outside.

Over the past couple of years, though, I have found myself singing a different tune.

I no longer wear designer sunglasses. Although a little part of me misses the mystique, I’m perfectly content buying my shades at Kohl’s.

Since both my hands seem always to be full, I’m grateful not to have to worry about my designer sunglass case, too. My $20 peepers get thrown right on top of my bag. And if they get a scratch? That will be camouflaged by all the tiny finger smudges, of course.

And I’ve discovered (or at least led myself to believe) that coolly pushing my sunglasses on top of my head makes me feel more put-together somehow…at times even glamorous!

I vowed at the beginning of spring no longer to dress like a hobo, to get up each morning and put on some Capri’s and a decent t-shirt.

I’m proud to report that, with very few exceptions, I’ve been living the dream the past couple of months.

I bought several new pairs of casual-yet-comfortable pants and picked up some new tees, and I even bought a cute new pair of flip-flops. I think it’s a great sign that the girls no longer ask, “Where we going?” when they see Mommy enter their room in the mornings.

However.

I can’t say that I’ve managed to add the full spectrum of hair and makeup into the mix.

I still only wear makeup a couple of days a week, I’m guessing, on average. And some days just have to be ponytail days, depending on what how many chores I need to get done in the mornings before the girls get up.

Enter my sunglasses trick!

I don’t think a thing about running to the mall all fresh-faced with my hair pulled back. Perhaps I look like I’ve just run in off the beach (a mere 500 miles away), to do a quick errand…

…or perhaps I look like a harried mom who hasn’t taken the time to treat herself to a full hygiene regimen…

…but at least I have on cute Capri’s.

One step at a time, and mind over matter...and I’m running with it!

Fab 5 Friday...and ME!

Hubby has been on Spring Break this week, which is pretty fabulous in itself! We’ve jam-packed the week with numerous appointments and some fabulous family fun…I can’t believe it’s Friday already!

1) The weather has been pretty nice this week. The girls and I have gotten out for walks almost every day…AND Daddy has been waiting for us at home to help unbuckle strollers and take off shoes.

2) We went on a 170-mile round trip shopping adventure on Tuesday, and the girls did GREAT!!! It wasn’t exactly relaxing, but got all our errands accomplished with very minimal fuss, and I dare say we all had a pretty great time!

3) I carried Baby B to the dermatologist on Wednesday, as she’s really been struggling with dry skin. I was SO proud of her…her chin quivered a couple of times, but she didn’t cry even once! (That's a HUGE improvement over any doctor visit she's had in the past year, at least!!!)

4) When we were leaving the dermatologist’s office, I told B that she had been such a big girl that she deserved a lollipop from the basket on the reception counter (her first). She immediately said, “And Sissy!” (I love how the girls always look out for each other.)

When we got to the car, I unwrapped the lollipop, intending to let B have a couple of licks, like an ice cream cone. Instead she popped it right in her mouth, like she knew just what to do. I let her enjoy it for a minute or so before I told her we needed to go (and I ate the rest of it...hee hee).

I forgot about the second lollipop in my bag until we were putting the girls to bed that night. Out of nowhere, B exclaimed, “I had a lollipop!” I couldn’t help but laugh at my blabbermouth…and then I changed the subject quickly before I had to explain why we wouldn’t be sharing the other one before bedtime.

5) During our bedtime routine earlier in the week, Baby A began a little soliloquy. “I love you, Mommy…I love you, Daddy…I love you, Sissy…I love you, Sasha.” And then she finished it off by saying, “I am happy.” Melt.my.heart.

And what did I do for ME this week???

As part of my resolution to start dressing more nicely in and around the house, I spent some time…ALONE…shopping this week. I shopped for me, and only me. I can’t remember the last time I went to the mall and didn’t so much as browse through one of the children’s stores!

My shopping trip was rather fruitful. I scored three pairs of casual Capri pants, a couple of new sweaters, and several sundresses. I certainly wasn’t shopping for sundresses, but I couldn’t resist. I don’t expect to be wearing them around the house exactly, but they’ll be great for casual family dinners and jaunts to the yogurt shop this summer.

I think I’m standing up straighter already!

Dressing the Part

As a parent, I knew there were all sorts of things I would be responsible for teaching my children…their ABC’s, their numbers, their colors, how to spell their names, and the battle cry for our favorite sports team (can I get a “Roll Tide!!!”???).

Of course I knew I would be teaching them more ambiguous concepts, too…like respect, and obedience; that I would try to set a good example in standing up straight, and eating well, and exercising, and reading.

I hadn’t given a lot of thought to instilling a positive body image, though, but it’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.

I should interject that I don’t consider myself a “hair and makeup” girl. I have never owned a set of hot rollers…wouldn’t know how to use them if I tried. Before the girls were born, I wore makeup every day, but only the basics...I favor basic lip balm (or gloss, if I wanna get a little crazy) to lipstick any day.

When I was pregnant, I heard plenty of horror stories of new moms not finding the time to shower for days on end. I vowed that would not be me. And with very few exceptions, I’ve upheld that promise to myself.

So WOO HOO…I can check “basic hygiene” off my list. But it dawned on me not long ago that that is no indication of me being well put-together.

Just because I’m clean doesn’t mean I’m presentable. Think mismatched pajama bottoms and a random tshirt, sometimes paired with a hoodie. No wonder the delivery guy diverts his eyes and makes a hasty exit off the porch!

Of course I would never go out like that (making a run through the Starbucks drive-thru doesn’t count…).

But if I’m embarrassed to walk down the drive to the mailbox some days, what kind of example am I setting for my girls to take pride in their appearance?

And sadly, I realized I dress the girls almost as shabbily. They have plenty of adorable outfits they wear when we go somewhere, but at home they wear onesies and pants.

There’s nothing wrong with onesies and pants, of course, but in most cases I’m talking about last year’s onesies and whatever random pants are atop the bin in the closet. (Size 9m onesies still fit in the stride, but are short in the sleeves…that actually works perfectly as I don’t have to roll their sleeves up at the table, and if they do get a stain, it’s no big deal!).

As I step back, I’m afraid we look like hobos…clean hobos…but hobos nonetheless.

What kind of message am I sending to the girls?

That we “dress up” when someone is going to see us, but we don’t owe it to ourselves to look presentable on a day-to-day basis?

I’ve made another vow to change things up this spring.

When we do our spring shopping for the girls, I’ll still buy their cute outfits, but I’m also investing in a variety of knit tops and shorts, “outfits” to wear at home. I’ll commit to the tedium of rolling up their sleeves, when necessary, and I’m just going to deal with stains as they inevitably occur.

And for myself? I am going to commit to doing some shopping for me…to finding something that’s easy and comfortable for chasing the girls and dancing the Can-Can…but that allows me to hold my own in conversation with the delivery guy…one that sets a better example for the girlies.

I haven’t gone so far as to committing to something CrAzY like wearing makeup every day (although I keep up my lip balm routine religiously), but I think this is definitely a step in the right direction.

A Bit About Me, March Edition

My birthday is February 23, and on the 23rd of each month I’ve taken to sharing a couple of random snippets about myself.

Since I’m on a “beauty” kick, I thought I’d include a couple of physical things about myself for March…

15) I’m 5’2” tall. I reached my full height in fifth or sixth grade, which at the time was pretty tall in comparison to my classmates. Little did I know I should have relished that feeling! I actually don’t “mind” being short…it is what it is, of course. And at least my climbing skills are good – I have no shame in scaling a couple of shelves at the grocery store to reach an item.

16) I’ve never colored my hair. There have been times I would have liked to have some highlights, or even some chunky streaks, but I didn’t want to start something before I “needed” to. I’ll most likely color my hair when those grays become more prominent, and I know I’ll be spending plenty of time and money in the salon chair for that, so I thought I’d save myself the trouble while I can!

The Fat One

I’m not easily offended.

Make a Southern joke? Step aside while I prove you wrong. (Just be careful not to step on my bare feet, please.)

Make a short joke? You’re just jealous that you can’t pass Capri pants off as full-length.

If I don’t like something I hear or read, I know to consider the source, and/or I recognize I’m free to change the channel or put down the newspaper.

But I’ve found myself being much more “sensitive” since the girls were born…not for me, but for them.

At such a tender age, our girls can’t yet discern for themselves what is right and wrong. They can’t consider the source, or take something with a grain of salt.

One of the things that has been rubbing me the wrong way lately is the use of the word “fat” in several children’s books.

I think instilling confidence in my girls, a big part of that being a positive body image, is a huge responsibility. Likewise is teaching respect for other people, no matter what they look like – “fat” or “skinny”, short or tall, with a Southern drawl or a Yankee accent.

Take, for example, something as benign as Dr. Seuss’s “One fish two fish red fish blue fish”.

“The fat one has a yellow hat.”

Heaven knows my girls say enough things to call attention to themselves in public (like when they used to call out “boobies!!!” when they saw blueberries in the grocery store). I surely don’t need to introduce the phrase “the fat one” to them, as I would be mortified if they used that phrase to refer to a person at the grocery, not just a nice juicy tomato.

Even in “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”:

“He was a big, fat caterpillar.”

…granted, that was after the bloke had eaten chocolate cake, ice cream, pickles, cheese, salami, a lollipop, cherry pie, sausage, a cupcake, and some watermelon…which is not exactly an exemplary diet...but I still don’t like the use of the word.

And don’t even get me started on “The Belly Book”!

“A sumo’s belly is big and fat. A ballerina’s belly is small and flat.”

…among so many other crazy references.

As I write this, I realize my concerns are twofold. One is that I want the girls to be respectful of other people, and not to judge folks by the way the look.

I think the heavier issue in my mind is instilling a positive body image in the girls from the get-go.

I know I can’t protect them from the ills of society forever…that soon enough they’ll hear folks talking about “fat people” and “skinny jeans”…they’ll see a weight loss ad in a magazine or on TV and wonder how it applies to them…that one of their grade school classmates will “go on a diet”…
…but I’m not ready to go there just yet.

***

Thank you to Julia at Pontifications of a Twin Mom for making me think about the topic of beauty in so many beautiful ways! In particular, this post inspired me to write on this topic. That, coupled with the focus at Multiples & More today, has inspired so many thoughts along these lines.

I’ll be posting on the topic of beauty again soon.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Baby Holder

From Day 1, I’ve been telling my girls they’re beautiful. I just can’t help myself! It seems only natural for me to say, “How are Mommy’s beautiful baby girls this morning?”

And almost from Day 1, my husband has been scolding me for what he perceives as my superficiality.

Do I think my girls are beautiful? Of course I do! What mother doesn’t?!

But if I ever had to spell it out, I guess I’m thinking about beauty in a much larger context…I’m trying to raise my girls to be beautiful, healthy people, on the inside and out.

Certainly I praise the girls for being sweet and kind…for being polite…for behaving nicely…for following directions…and of course for learning new skills and words.

I think it’s important to instill self-confidence in our girls along a multitude of aspects, beauty – however it’s defined – being one of them.

I have sworn to my husband that I’m not trying to groom the girls to be on Toddlers and Tiaras. I have a bare bones beauty regimen myself, and I actually worry if I’ll be able to teach them to apply lipstick properly…I’m not sure I know how myself! :)

I am quite sure the question of beauty is yet another idea that I’m far over-thinking!